QUESTION: What are the various methods of contraception and how effective are they?

ANSWER:

• Source: Contraceptive Technologies, 1994, updated from J. Trussell, R.A. Hatcher, F.H. Stewart, and K. Kost “Contraceptive Failures in the United States: An Update, “Studies in Family Planning 21 (1), 1990.

Question: How does one go about practicing safe sex?

Answer: Safe sex requires planning and good communication between individuals

• Safe sex means taking precautions during sex that can keep you from getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) or from giving an STD to your partner. Have regular checkups for STI’s even in the absence of symptoms, and especially if having sex with a new partner. These tests can be done during a routine visit to the doctor’s office
• While some STI’s can be cured, some cannot, including HIV (which causes AIDS), genital human papillomavirus (HPV), which causes genital warts. People who do not know they are infected can spread STI’s. Always use protection when having sex.
• ABSTINENCE as PREVENTION completely avoiding sexual contact (abstinence), including intercourse or oral sex.
• Learn the common symptoms of STI’s. Seek medical help immediately if any suspicious symptoms develop, even if they are mild.
• Avoid having sex during menstruation. HIV- infected women are probably more infectious, and HIV- uninfected women are probably more susceptible to becoming infected during that time.
• If anal intercourse is practiced use a male condom.
• Avoid douching because it removes some of the normal protective bacteria in the vagina and increases the risk of getting some STI’s.

Question: What is feminism?

Answer: Feminism is the belief that society is disadvantageous to women, systematically depriving them of individual choice, political power, economic opportunity and intellectual recognition. Feminism is therefore a doctrine that advocates equal rights for women. Feminism became an organized movement in the 19th century as people increasingly came to believe that women were being treated unfairly. The feminist movement was rooted in the progressive movement and especially in the reform movement of the 19th century. Many countries began to grant women the vote in the late 19th century and early 20th century (New Zealand being first in 1893, with the help of suffragist Kate Sheppard), especially in the final years of the First World War onwards. The reasons varied, but they included a desire to recognize the contributions of women during the war (since the men were at war, women had to take on all their responsibilities), and were also influenced by rhetoric used by both sides at the time to justify their war efforts.

Question: What are the stages in a relationship?

Answer:

1. Romantic love: This is the love that Hollywood loves to promote as the only kind of love. Romantic love is wonderful, easy, and effortless. It is very spontaneous and alive.
2. Adjusting to reality: Inevitably, predictably, eventually, reality rears its “ugly” head and the bubble bursts on the Romantic stage. Sometimes it is a slow leak; other times a sudden and complete blow-out. But either way, something happens which causes a minor or major conflict in the new relationship.
3. The power struggle: As the disillusionment of the Adjusting to Reality stage deepens, the couple tends to have more disagreements. Minor issues blow up into larger arguments. Yelling appears for the first time, if it ever will. Both partners dig in their heels and defend their positions on issues fiercely.
4. Re-evaluation: The Power Struggle is physically and emotionally draining, and if the couple can survive, they move into the next stage, of a conscious Re-Evaluation of the relationship. Whereas the original commitment one makes is typically based on projections of fantasy, this Re-Evaluation takes into account the reality and fears and defences of each person. Do I really want to stay with this person?
5. Reconciliation: In this stage, after the distance of the Re-evaluation, if the relationship has survived, there is a re-awakening of interest in getting closer and connecting again. Knowing all that they know, coming from reality and not fantasy, there is a decision to have the willingness to try once again.
6. Acceptance: The final stage in a committed relationship, which researchers estimate less than 5% of couples ever reach, is one of complete Acceptance. There is an integration of the need of the self and the needs of the relationship. Each person takes responsibility for their own needs, for their own individual lives, and also for providing support for their partner.

Question: How can I end a relationship gracefully?

Answer:

• The spark is missing.

Tell the person you enjoy spending time together, but for whatever reason, you just do not feel the spark.

• You do not want to mislead the person.

Explain that you care too deeply about the person to ever lead them on, or make them feel the relationship has a chance to progress.

• Be encouraging.

Let them know they are a great catch, will recover, and will meet someone new.

• Give positive feedback only.

Honestly answer any questions about the breakup. Do not be nasty. Remember, they are a nice guy or girl.

• Do not blame the person.

Do not in any way make them feel like the breakup is their fault. Let them leave the relationship believing it was a poor fit between the two of you.

• Tell him or her it is not about them.

Make it clear that he or she doesn't have any major physical or intellectual faults. Nice people have a tendency to analyze the breakup for months. If they think it has something to do with a ‘hooknose’ or lack of knowledge about Renaissance painters, they will beat themselves up for years.

• Do not continue getting physical.

Making a nice person believe there's a chance to continue the relationship, when you have no intention of really dating them again, is just plain wrong.

• Deliver the message clearly.

If you think the person will have a hard time leaving you alone, be as clear and business-like as possible in communicating your message that the relationship is over.